That’s right, I’m using the word sexy today and I know that will freak some of you out. Now, just to clarify, I am not talking about dressing up like slave Leia or Catwoman in skin-tight pleather. I mean getting comfortable in your own skin and being confident in your own body and your attractiveness. While I would never advocate sexual activities for anyone that isn’t ready, eventually this is going to be part of an adult relationship (even if this means after marriage). While society at large puts far too heavy a focus on physical attractiveness, I think relationships will be much healthier in the long-run if there is a healthy dose of mutual attraction. I will delve into the issue of attraction at a later point, but today I am focusing on you and you alone dear reader.
We all want to feel needed and desired. For our minds, for the love that we have to give and yes, for our physical being. You don’t need to look like Wonder Woman and look amazing in spandex in order to feel sexy. Any geek worthy of your time will find your inner confidence, that twinkle in your eye and that glow you get while reading the new issue of the Walking Dead incredibly attractive. Chemistry is important and it’s not based on any set rules of what’s “hot” or not. In a mature relationship, it’s grounded in common interests, emotional and spiritual connections and yes, physical compatibility. As I’ve said, we all deserve to be with someone we’re attracted to and we can all be sexy. If you can’t see yourself as sexy, I hope you will really give this some thought. If you don’t think of yourself that way, you can’t really expect a partner to do so. You should never rely on others to give you confidence. This can and should come from within you. It took me till my late 20s to gain this power over myself and I can now proudly say that I feel sexy. Not all the time, but enough. You are all beautiful and I hope you can embrace your inner goddess (or god) and get in touch with your sexy self.
Double-dates: Good Idea or Bad Idea? Today’s question comes from a reader who’s pondering this question. Send in your own dating/relationship questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Lady Steamy,
Are double dates a good idea? Sometimes it feels like more people are invited on a date when the couple isn’t great at communicating with each other and want other people along to keep it from getting awkward.
Thanks in advance,
Always Talking to Someone Else’s Date
Dear Always Talking to Someone Else’s Date
As with most things in life, there is no easy answer to this. For many couples, double-dates can be immensely fun and an excellent way to get out of the house and have a fun evening together. In general, I would recommend double-dates for couples who have been together for a decent amount of time and who already know they get along with the other couple. If one or more of the players involved are very shy and don’t know the other people, it could get awkward. Plan something very casual and comfortable before you go out and do something too fancy. Maybe a game night at your apartment where your partner would feel relaxed. If double-dates are being used as a means to avoid communication between a couple, I think there are much larger concerns you should have about that relationship. This would seem to be symptomatic of a bigger issue and I hope they could learn to communicate with one another.
If these double-dates are happening right at the beginning of a relationship, maybe you can help your shy friend get a little better at communicating with a date. You can’t be around forever and if they aren’t comfortable with the person they want to date, I doubt it could work out in the long-run. You could absolutely say no if you’re feeling uncomfortable about the situation. If you’re good enough friends, I would hope you could talk to your friend openly and honestly about their larger issues. Help build up their confidence and get them more comfortable with the idea of dating on their own. This would help them more than the short term fix of a double-date. Sounds like you’re already a great friend. Best of luck to you.