There are many who would encourage you to keep your geeky light under a bushel on a first date. I say the opposite! I say, be honest about who you are and what you’re into. Now, this does not mean that you should go on a 10 minute rant about the history of the Federation or the historical inaccuracies of 300. You should feel comfortable enough to be honest about your interests and even crack a geeky joke or two. Although make sure to discuss other topics though that your date seems to find interesting. Dating conversations should be a give and take and should flow naturally. I decided to ask the LXL founders what they thought about this subject and they had plenty to say:
**”If you’re going out on the date with the right guy it doesn’t matter. It’s important that it doesn’t become a contest though, those conversations are annoying. “
**”I think it’s also how you met the person. I met my BF through friends who have their own geekiness going on. So I figured that if my now BF was friends with them, there was a level of geekiness that was expected.”
**”Assuming that these people met in a non-geeky environment, I’d say let the conversation develop naturally – if you’re talking about things that interest you, or collections, or TV shows, or books, then be honest: it’s far worse say, “Oh, I don’t collect anything” and then have your date come over and see your action figures complete with their own shelves and lighting. “
**”Not only am I honest about my geekery, I have 10 questions I ask on a date to determine if I even want to have a second date with a guy based on how geeky he is….”
**”I tend to get flustered and blurt out something super geeky within about 20 minutes and crack a joke about my giant personality flaws within an hour or so. I don’t date well.“
**”I like to let conversations develop naturally, but am totally honest about my geekiness. My take is that I want someone who supports me in pursuing my interests, even if they aren’t the same as his, and vice versa. I mean, clearly we need to have some mutual interests, but it doesn’t have to be geekery. I just don’t want to be given a hard time for corsetting up or donning my Starbuck costume for DragonCon. Or my need to chase food trucks with the Coven when I haven’t even read Game of Thrones.”
**”For most of my life, I’ve kept the geeky side of me somewhat veiled. ESPECIALLY when interacting with dudes. Throughout my twenties, I got such little attention from men– no one ever hit on me. Looking back, I wonder if it is because I wasn’t being true to myself. In the last couple of years, I feel like I’m finally MYSELF. For some reason, I think that being authentic and true to my geekery has helped me come across more confident, charismatic, and multidimensional. Dudes actually pay attention. It confuses me. So yeah–I say, be honest– you don’t have to tell the guy you have Star Wars figures in your China cabinet. But on the first date, being open about what you love and adore makes you more attractive!”
As you can see, there is no single right answer on how much you want to share on a first date, but we all recommend being your natural, beautiful selves. In case you readers haven’t all seen the hilarious webseries Awkward Embraces from my dear friend (and fellow LXL founder) Jessica Mills. I personally recommend starting with the IT Guy episode. http://awkwardembraces.com/. There’s some great examples of letting your geek flag fly in this series(perhaps a little bit too much sometimes). You can see the dangers of oversharing too soon with a non-geek and also how charming you can be with the right guy. Remember, be your geeky self and any date worth your time will think you are extraordinary.
Dear Lady Steamy,
What do you do when you have been a life-long functional nerd and your younger sister is in danger of out-nerding me and our even nerdier older sister?
Your sister sounds beautiful, intelligent and extremely talented. I’m sure she thanks you for her early exposure to Star Wars and They Might Be Giants and for letting her play with your awesome AT-AT. So, don’t be jealous and start being nicer to your sister or else she might post an embarrassing picture of you like this.
**Readers, please remember to send in your dating/relationship questions to email@example.com or else I will forced to endure more smart-aleck emails from family members. XOXO.